Crack

What should you expect from a medieval banquet? A load of repetitive violinists skipping round while you drink ale and eat hog-roast? This may be what you expect from a little folk festival situated in the Welsh valleys, but I can tell you now, Greenman ain’t no fiddle fest. Think of it as a modern-day take on a slap-up medieval feast, and with acts like Beirut, Flaming Lips and Doves thrown into the mix, this quirky little festival is a taste explosion.

The starter on this three course menu is the idyllic countryside of Wales; the setting for your three day Greenman binge. The misty mountains which surround the valley and the old stone abbey, give this independent festival a fuck load of charm.

Consider the inevitable rain as a fly in your broth, and remember that it’s highly likely to piss it down in Wales after all. Sprinkled onto the beautiful scenery is an array of kooky little stalls selling everything from antiques to vintage clothing. There are also Aladdin-esque shops selling hand-crafted wooden furniture and eccentric collections of colourful lampshades, and a cinema tent for those poor hung-over souls who can’t quite face the daylight.

For your main course, Greenman offers everything from unsigned fresh talent to highly celebrated artists such as Joanna Newsom and Wild Beasts. You’ve got the likes of Sam Amidon, an engaging weirdo, but a weirdo nonetheless, who spent half his acoustic performance screeching and growling. It wouldn’t be a festival without all the regular crazy cats; at Greenman these were The Flaming Lips who, not to be outdone emerged onto set in a huge stage-diving zorb. To top it off, lead singer Wayne Coyne rode a bear across the stage. it did look suspiciously like a bloke in a suit, but was still impressive to say the least. So Greenman won’t disappoint you music lovers, but like most things, performance is key, so keep in mind that a few dabs of salt’n’pepper on your dish may lead to further enjoyment.

Chai Wallahs is served up as a much deserved dessert. The super-cool late night tent which offers live DJ’s and endless dancing. Come here with a copious amount of booze, cigarettes and drugs and party your respectable life away. To top it off is the annual burning of The Green Man, a giant sculpture of a man made from twigs and leaves, seasoned with a fireworcks display. So, Greenman is the place to be next summer, though I must warn you that there are some easily avoidable Morris dancers served up as a side salad. But then who eats the fucking side salad?



Words: Rozzie Todd

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