Crack

William Hague might be as gay as an Enid Blyton novel, Blair’s back with a 700-page book and America has called an end to its combat operations in a now bloodied Iraq.

Stephen Hawking’s right, there probably is no God.

The Foreign Secretary was being forced to publically deny long-running rumours about his sexuality. Current allegations centre on his relationship with 25-year-old special adviser Christopher Myers and the abuse of public office after the two purportedly shared a hotel room. The Daily Mail printed a picture of the couple which could have made the front page of Attitude Magazine and was accompanied by the tagline “if the cap fits”.

Blogger Guido Fawkes upped the ante saying he had proof the two shared a room and that the couple’s body language at breakfast the next day was “eye opening”. Hague’s aides meekly replied that this was "not an impossible scenario" and Myers quit in an ill-advised and not-at-all-guilty-looking attempt to quash the rumours.

In America the furore being whipped up by America’s right-wing press over a proposed Muslim community centre in New York has spilled over into a nationwide campaign against the expansion of Islam. Similar protests are gaining momentum in California and Tennessee, among others, and a site in Georgia was recently hit with an arson attack in what investigators believe was a hate crime.

The site for the rather dubiously dubbed “Ground Zero Mosque” is two blocks away from where the Twin Towers stood. The facility is a community centre complete with a prayer room and sports facilities. There’s already a mosque four blocks from Ground Zero and one in the Pentagon, which was also targeted on 9/11.

Worryingly the story has galvanised a very thinly veiled increase in Islamophobia. The movement threatens to erode one of the founding father’s key tenants, religious pluralism, and it should be attacked at every possible turn.

America’s combat mission in Iraq drew to a close 2,679 days after George Bush announced an end to “major combat operations” in the country on USS Abraham Lincoln back in 2003. Some 50,000 troops will remain in a ‘non-combat’ but ‘combat ready’ role as part of the newly termed Operation New Dawn.

Watching the sun rise over the latest chapter in the country’s bloody history it’s hard to understand or define success in a war which lasted longer than World War One and Two. Three out of the four justifications given for the invasion collapsed in its wake, the only remainder – that the Iraqi people were suffering and deserved to be liberated – has, in part, been achieved.

Iraqis no longer fear the tyrannical, chemical weapon-wielding hands of Saddam. However, the invasion did push them to the brink of civil war, destroy the country’s infrastructure and healthcare system and, six months after March’s inconclusive election, the country still has no government.

But these things take time and, just like Bush back in 2003, we are deeply mistaken if we think we can fit the events of the next few years into some kind of neat political or social narrative, deadline or reassuring end game. After all, war is hell.

It’s that same war that has made Blair such a divisive figure on the world stage. In his ten years as Prime Minister, committing our troops to Iraq defined his work in government, or at least provided much of the padding for his new exclamation mark-ridden book. A recent signing in Dublin, Ireland, gave a pretty good straw poll of his international approval rating; on one side stood 200 angry, egg-throwing protestors, on the other 300 people queued to get a copy autographed.

Apparently it’s worth a read. Otherwise, like MediaSpank you could just check out the wealth of quips and quotes online. We are told Tony Blair admits he made "small errors", found Brown "maddening" and never guessed the nightmare that unfolded in Iraq. No Shit Sherlock.

And there are a few gems about Bush’s behaviour at the G8 too; “Belgium? George said, clearly aghast at the possible full extent of his stupidity. ‘Belgium is not part of the G8’.” Mr Blair explained to Mr Bush that Mr Verhofstadt was there as president of Europe (Belgium held the presidency of the EU council at that time). Mr Bush responded: “You got the Belgians running Europe?” before shaking his head, “now aghast at our stupidity”.

In other news Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad unveiled the country’s first drone aircraft. Capable of delivering two laser guided bombs the ever so subtle Ahmadinejad dubbed it the ‘Ambassador of Death’; hotel heiress Paris Hilton claimed she thought the plastic bindle of cocaine that fell from her purse was chewing gum, adding that the purse was “not classy enough” to be hers; Blithering Brown can now be hired for £64,000, a five star hotel and a first class plane ticket to give speeches and call your house guests bigots; according to the Telegraph a senior Labour MP called the price increase on a tax payer-subsidised Parliamentary Pint from £2.40 to £3.05 “scandalous”.

And, Chicago gangs the Vice Lords, Gangster Disciples, Kings, Stones, Hustlers, Souls and Cobras, held a joint press conference in Columbus Park Refectory to denounce Chicago Police threats to crack down on gang leaders.



Words: Chris Goodfellow

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