WORDS

I remember delivering Issue 53 of Crack Magazine, one month after the Conservative Party’s 2015 election victory, to a café in London, and being met by a puzzled look from a panini-chewing customer. “Sleaford Mods?” he said, squinting at the duo on the front cover. “I saw them live recently… They were the worst band I’ve ever seen.” Who could deny the Mods’ genius? Must have been a closet tory, right? I mean, Rough Trade liked them enough to release their new T.C.R. EP – hence why I ended up discussing bad haircuts with their frontman Jason Williamson.

What was your favourite cartoon when you were a kid?
Scooby Doo.

What book are you currently reading?
Who Governs Britain? by Anthony King.

Who’s your favourite member of the Wu-Tang Clan?
U-God.

What was the name of your first ever band?
Meat Pie.

And what did Meat Pie sound like?
Early Small Faces, and trying to get early Guns N’ Roses in there as well.

What’s your signature recipe?
I do a good Victoria Sponge, and I can do a good Sunday dinner.

What was the first record you fell in love with?
Sid Vicious covering Something Else, which I bought on “7. I was 10 years old.

What’s the worst job you’ve ever had?
Working in a TV rental warehouse. It was back when agency work started emerging. It was fucking horrible, but I was sofa surfing at the time and it was hand to mouth for a while. The boss was a total cunt who needed banging out. He had no idea at all. I still think about hitting the bastard.

Do you have a number one Sleaford Mods fan?
I don’t think so, we’ve got a fan club called the SMarmys, but they’re all equally as insane.

Have you ever had a nickname?
‘The Grantham Grinner’. Someone called me that when I first moved to Nottingham, don’t know why, I think they thought I had a big mouth or that I looked weird when I took drugs. Or ‘Paul Feller’, they used to think I was a poor version of Paul Weller!

Maybe if it all goes wrong with the Sleaford Mods you could just do Paul Weller covers as Paul Feller.
Well it probably will go wrong at some point, let’s face it! It’s a shit business!

"I don’t touch any of the meat at the Travelodge breakfast. Fuck that"

What’s the worst hotel you’ve ever stayed in?
I’d say in England, Travelodges are the worst.

What do you do about the breakfast buffets? Do you just get amongst it?
I’ll get amongst it, but I don’t touch any of the meat. Sausages especially. Fuck that.

Would you go for a pint with Kanye West?
Yeah definitely. I like to think that the media have created Kanye West, and that the real Kanye West is actually quite down-to-earth.

Describe the worst haircut you’ve ever had…
I had a mullet. Shaved at the sides, kind of like a suedehead at the top and long at the back.

If you were trying to seduce a potential lover, what music would you play?
I’ve been listening to a lot of Drake recently, I’d put some of that on!

Have you ever been arrested?
When I was a kid, for smashing light bulbs in the town centre. The put me in the cell for about three hours, and I just figured that wasn’t for me.

If you could pick a surrogate grandparent, who would it be?
Eddie Murphy! It’d probably have to be his film persona though, in real life he’s probably a bit of a bastard.

Is there a piece of advice you wish you’d give to yourself ten years ago?
Probably something along the lines of stop taking drugs or stop drinking. I wouldn’t have changed much though, I dunno.

What would you want written on your tombstone?
“Should it Have Been You?”

The T.C.R. EP is out now via Rough Trade

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