I REALLY RESPECT ______ AND THEIR ________

I’m not here today to moan on and on about something we all hate, I have come to preach a message of deep loathing that is actually quite personal to me. People who say they “respect” Elbow. Tosspots who say that Keane are “credible”. Morons who think it’s ok to like Athlete as long as it’s only the first album. In fact, it’s this small minority of chin stroking trendsetters who are directly responsible for the popularity of this kind of M-O-R bullshit ultimately filtering down out of the mainstream and into pseudo muso credibility.

I give it three years before we see kids in doc martens and skinny jeans wearing Snow Patrol T Shirts and saying they just think Lightbody has written a few really great tunes. Fuck off. It’s neither cool nor edgy to be the Terry Wogan of your local dive bar. Discussing the finer points of Doves’ second record at an Animal Collective gig isn’t going to make you look rad, it’s just going to make your friends think you’re their dad and see them immediately ditch you for the nearest person in a Lower Dens tee.

This is an impending apocalypse, honestly, if irony and idiocy continue to grow with the huge momentum they’ve already gained it will be pretty much impossible to stop this flux of stupidity before it’s too late and we’re all wearing lots of beige and eating after eights in our mid-20s just for the sake of your postmodern perceptions of “cool.”

Of course everyone knows what’s really cool is pretending you’re in the 90s and only ever listening to Dinosaur Jr and Sebadoh. It makes guys look dumb, girls look really fly and bands sound like they’ve smoked so much weed they’re about to fall over. Let’s stick with that yeah?

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Words: Billy Black

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