OMG YOU LIKE THE COLD SIDE OF PILLOW? NO WAY! ME TOO! P.S I’M A RACIST. HOPE DATZ COOL! LOL! //

Spending 15 hours a day on the internet is apparently really unhealthy. However, in order to keep writing these inherently self defeating blogs about how turgid it is I pretty much have to stay locked to the fucking thing. Discovering shit about shit, watching youtube videos, checking out the latest top clips on red tube. Hard work, yeah? So recently I discovered this group on Facebook called “Our England”. It’s one of these “We’re not racist, we’re just patriotic” groups.

The really brilliant thing about the “Our England” page is that you can find links to ignorant racist people’s Facebook pages and laugh at their shit haircuts and poor taste in music. I won’t name any names, but some of them do actually dig on bands like Future Islands and watch T.V. programmes like The Wire. Well, you thought the lolz stopped there? NO! In the words of Michael Jackson “that’s just ignorant, you tart.” Remember when your fat lonely mate from school has liked “the cold side of pillow” or “long walks on the beach” or even “eating” and you chuckled and thought to yourself, ‘well that’s O.K because they’re fat and lonely and they always will be because they’re in a self defeating cycle of liking boring shit on Facebook all day’? Well it turns out that the “patriots” like some really boring shit too. See, we’re all the same under the crew cuts and rolls of yesterday’s midnight ham sandwich.

Among the things racists seem to enjoy most often are; having a sit down piss, trees, sleeping and of course turning over the pillow to get to the cold side. This is the thing about Facebook though, it brings people together, it brings intolerant white people together with some of the people they hate in their mutual love of feeling ice cold synthetic fibres on their pubescent cheeks while they drift off to sleep listening to the latest Cheryl Cole record.

It’s a beautiful thing to see humanity so entwined in love and hate in the digital age. Don’t know what’s creepier really though, the fact that I seem to have so much boring shit in common with so many moronic people (and the fact that so many of them exist) or the fact that quite a large amount of human beings have taken the time to click a button to express their enjoyment of sleeping, when in fact, they could just be fucking sleeping.

Words: Billy Black

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