PAUL MCCURTNEY //

Just when you all thought the music world couldn’t get any more fucking bizarre…

If you haven’t heard because you’ve been living in a cave without Wi-Fi, Nirvana are getting back together. Great news, right? No. Because instead of the obvious choice of the Tupac hologram they’ve recruited Paul McCartney as their new lead vocalist.

McCartney was apparently invited to jam with the remaining lads and immediately blurted out that he had no idea who they were. That’s a serious par, Macca. I don’t care how many platinum records you may have sold off the back of being in a marginally successful band. I’d often wondered why Mills gave him the boot, but now it’s all starting to fall into place. Such a divorcable nightmare.

So, I know we’re all wondering what’s next. Will Jagger be doing front vox on the new Elliot Smith record? I know we’d all like to see ageing scrotbag Rod Stewart take on the visceral jams of Biggie Smalls. Wouldn’t we? If ever you think about doing something like this again Grohl, think fucking twice. You massive side burned pop rock twazzock.

N.B. This event has since taken place, and was the dampest of squibs. Barely even registered as a squib. Load of ruddy nonsense it was.

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Words: Billy Black

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