People are selling the new Aphex Twin vinyl for £500

Here’s what you could buy instead

Last weekend, Richard D. James – aka Aphex Twin – surprise dropped the new album London 03.06.17 at Field Day (3 June). The limited run was released via Warp Records and was sold out by 2PM. Nestled within an unmarked green sleeve, the vinyl contains 11 untitled tracks.

Those with a keen sense of entrepreneurship have been flogging the vinyl online. It’s the latest bargain on the internet: for a mere £494.99 – compare that to the original price of £15 – you could also bag yourself a copy. For those who are a bit tight with the purse strings – it’s worth noting that this listing offers free postage and it comes in the original plastic bag from the festival stall. A collector’s item worth having in itself, the bag’s pleasing aesthetic bears the iconic Aphex logo – black, on white plastic.

However, if this vinyl isn’t really for you or you’re just not convinced, we’ve got you covered. Here’s what you could buy with (approximately) £500 instead.


18.7 Discwoman baseball caps


Capitalism teaches you that if you flaunt a life of excess, people will think you’ve made it and your self-worth will rocket upwards. Here’s a ridiculously stylish denim number from one of the most exciting platforms in electronic music – show people you’ve made it and show an excessive amount of support today.


1,235 IKEA bags


Up your arm candy game with the Balenciaga-approved FRAKTA bag. We’re not sure what the measurements are, but it seems bigger than Aphex’s and it’s “easy to keep clean – just rinse and dry”. Live life like a Balenciaga model and help your nan out with her shopping today.


16 pots of uranium ore


According to some political parties, Trident keeps you safe. Trident uses uranium. Therefore, uranium ore will keep you safe. At Crack, we love wax too. Holding wax can sometimes warrant that warm, euphoric feeling. But in an apocalypse, wax will not keep you safe.

Head to safety today.

Large group of people waiting in line

Someone to stand in a line for you for 17.85 hours

$36 per hour

Would Aphex Twin stand in a line for you for 17.85 hours? We think not. He doesn’t even know you exist. Think about how useful this could be for the portaloo queues. Think about how useful this could be for more album  drops at festival stalls. You could even cash all your chips in and pay for 17.85 people to queue for you at once in an hour. If there’s ever another album drop, you’re sorted.

Unfortunately, this one only applies to those in Washington DC. Buy someone today.

Björk on the cover of Crack Magazine

100 back issues of Crack


We haven’t even made 100 issues yet, so there’ll be plenty of extra copies for your mates. Sharing is caring. Sharing may even get you some new mates. Altogether, that’s around 400 hours of reading time sorted for you and your mates. Get some new mates today.

Alternatively, you can buy an annual subscription for 25 years at £20 a pop. That’s 300 issues and 1,200 hours of Crack.


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