Dear Frankie: Tips on self-sabotage and finessing the life-club balance
Welcome to the third instalment of Frankie’s advice column.
This month, the Discwoman co-founder imparts wisdom on the important stuff, covering plenty of ground: from surviving Valentine’s Day, to keeping friendships alive.
If you, dear reader, need guidance on sex, politics, techno or reality TV, Crack Magazine’s Agony Aunt is here to help. Submit your questions to AgonyAunt@crackmagazine.net to get them answered in the next issue.
I’m really into partying and nightlife and I like to go pretty hard to be honest. But as I get older, I’ve started to hate the aftermath – after a big weekend, I won’t feel 100% for days afterwards. I’m still in love with music (house and techno mainly) but I need to tone it down a bit with drugs and that sort of thing. Do you have any advice for someone wanting to keep connected to the music but who needs to rein it in a bit?
Pretty sure everyone comes to this point in their raving careers. It’s still something I grapple with and work hard to fight against. I’m also very open when it comes to talking about it, as I think as soon as you start to hide your drugs and alcohol consumption it can become more of a problem. Everyone is so different when it comes to these things, so there’s no one size fits all answer. I think if you are finding it’s hindering your daily life, then I’d seek help even as small as talking to a friend about it. I personally put parameters in my life so I’m not tempted, like I book therapy appointments at 8am so I don’t go out the night before. I sign up for overpriced boxing classes so I’m forced to go there and won’t go out before. The money you spend on partying is insane and when you start thinking about how that could go into other things better for you, it makes a little more sense. But like I said it’s hard to say that my methods work for everyone. If you’re really struggling absolutely seek professional help. There’s no shame in that. This shit can be fatal.
I put a lot of pressure on myself. I know I’m doing pretty well in my career for my age (I’m 27), I have a fun social life when I really put myself out there and I’m living in a city I love. But I constantly think I could be doing more – that the work I’m doing is mediocre, that I’m letting myself and others down, that I should have more fun, more friends, more sex, whatever. How I can stop comparing myself to others and try to combat this self-doubt?
This is huge. I think it’s a common downfall for a lot of artists to compare themselves to others. I mean how can you not? It’s highly competitive and can make one rear a very ugly head. I have also found myself comparing myself to others, we’re human beings. But the challenge is not letting that thought become dominant because it will eat you alive thus your art becomes secondary to self-doubt and then nothing happens at all. Then you become depressed.
I think everyone has the feeling of needing to do more and it fucking sucks. I constantly feel like I’m letting people down and not doing enough or people hate me, lol. It’s completely irrational and I often feel like I’m falling apart but there’s very little space for me to fall apart as there are so many people dependent on my work so it’s a lot of pressure. However I try and remind myself how blessed I am to do what I do, and that’s a huge part of it. It’s definitely a privilege to be able to make art as a job so treat it that way. Remember how much you love the work and it can feel less like work and less like pressure and more like love.
I don’t believe in the corporate institution of Valentine’s Day, but want to do something nice for myself anyway. Any hot tips for an alternative Valentine’s Day?
I have been single every single Valentine’s for my whole life (that’s 31 years) lmao so I know what it feels like to not believe in this day. It’s exceptionally corny but I don’t think love is. However the day is built on the backs of single people feeling bad about themselves, it fucking sucks so don’t pay it any attention whatsoever.
A few of my close friends have recently moved abroad and I don’t have the money to visit them any time soon. What are your tips for maintaining friendships long distance?
Lol as someone who is about to enter a long distance relationship, I’m looking for the answer to this myself. However my very best friend lives in London and if we’re lucky we can see each other once a year, we call at least once a week. I think if your bond is deep enough, no amount of time can change the friendship so I don’t think there’s a need to put so much pressure on it. That shit never dies. Just do the best you can. Don’t exhaust yourself trying to control something that you can’t really control.