Dear Frankie: Advice on dating creatives, throwing parties and getting paid
Welcome to the fifth instalment of Frankie’s Agony Aunt column.
This month, the Discwoman co-founder offers some insight into how to throw a successful night, and underlines whether it’s ever OK to date a fellow creative.
If you are looking for wisdom on sex, politics, techno or reality TV, Crack Magazine’s Agony Aunt is here to help. Submit your questions to AgonyAunt@crackmagazine.net to get them answered in the next issue.
I have a question about dating/romance as ‘a creative’.
I can imagine it may be different for everyone, but has pursuing your creative passions full-time helped attract people more like you or is it more overshadowed by attracting people for the wrong reasons? I’ve always dreamt of finding a partner into some of the same nerdy creative things as me but recognise that that may be naive to its own set of issues (competition, one-sidedness, ego, travel schedules, idk?). Maybe it’s best to date someone who supports you having that life but has a different set of interests themself? It may be simply a matter of experimenting and seeing what feels/works best… but I’m curious to hear anything you could share based on your exp/those of others you know?
Pensive Californian in the Discwoman hat
Men I’ve been with in music have pretty much consistently treated me like trash and I can say the same for my friends too. I don’t think that’s always the case of course, but there’s definitely something to be said for men who are put on a pedestal because of their creativity. If we think about super famous artists who are men, a lot of them have rumours around cheating or being trash to women because they can get away with it. R Kelly is a primary example of that. I think the same transpires in the underground scene too. I have had well-known men DJs be lecherous towards me while wasted and then the next day act like I don’t exist. I had one instance where this prominent dude DJ had a GF, he took a photo with me and posted it on his IG and then deleted it the next day, erasing his lecherous footprints.
I found through becoming a more confident and vocal person that I don’t try and seek as much validation from men as I used to so in turn I’m taken advantage of less. However, I had a recent experience where my kindness was taken advantage of and naively thought that my work could protect me from men in a way. I was wrong and this experience still hurts me, though it’s been over a year.
I think someone who respects you is the most important thing. Even in the case where maybe the person you’re with has had a change of feelings, if that person has respect for you they will communicate how they feel rather than ghost. You can’t control getting hurt, it’s an inevitable part of life, but I think the gravity of the hurt changes depending on how much that person respects you and how they communicate.
I don’t think there’s a one size fits all answer to this question, but trust your instincts. Listen to your friends. Love is completely blind.
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I’m going to be moving from London to New York in June for a job. I’m excited but scared. Do you have any tips for settling into NYC life?
Honestly I think the less of a plan you have the better, which is such reckless advice lol but welcome to my headspace. NYC has just so much going on at all times, so the more you indulge in it the more rich your experience is and from there you can figure out more of a plan in terms of what you want to spend your time doing.
Couple of points of advice though that will make you feel less depressed and isolated:
- Don’t spend all your money on rent, try your best to find something within your budget. I’ve had countless experiences where this pressure has given me crippling anxiety.
- Don’t spend all your money on ubers, use public transport as much as you can. Cook and walk around as much as you can, too.
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As someone who is finding my feet in the electronic music industry and trying to get paid while staying true to my vision, what advice would you have for me about navigating the branded side of the scene, like sponsors, sponsored events, etc? What’s important to consider when dealing with the more corporate side of the industry? It seems like a tricky thing to get right. Would appreciate any advice you can share. 🙂
We’ve done some work with brands etc. Here are some tips:
- Make sure you’re getting paid. It’s actually insanity that multi-million dollar companies have reached out expecting us to work for free in exchange for promotion. I have literally hung up the phone mid-conversation.
- Try to get a read on how much the brand is familiar with what you do. When we worked with certain brands they had done some thorough research on what we do, which made us feel way more comfortable and in turn made the experience actually enjoyable rather than just feeling like a prop.
- Be ready for criticism. It’s unavoidable and fair that people will criticise corporate collaborations.
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I’d love to put on nights again and I feel like my city needs something fresh on the scene. But I did it twice when I was at uni and they were both a flop and the DJs basically ended up playing to empty dancefloors. I’m still pretty embarrassed about the whole thing. Do you have any tips for beginners so I don’t mess it up again haha.
It’s a tough one. It’s hard to figure out the alchemy of a great party. But it’s definitely something that builds over time, it’s rare that something is instantly successful. I think things have the ability to work if you have a large community of friends around you, if you’re able to bring in acts that can draw a crowd or you have a really strong party concept. All three of those things together make for a successful event I reckon.