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Nakhane, Crack Magazine’s resident Agony Aunt, answers your questions

Looking for wisdom on sex, self-love and navigating your way through the world? The South African actor and musician has been there, done that and has the emotional literacy to prove it. This month, Nakhane covers the important stuff: from suspect relationship behaviour to offering practical tips on how to be “that bitch”.

Want your questions answered next month? Email them to agonyaunt@crackmagazine.net.

Hi Nakhane,

My bf and I recently went out for a weekend getaway. When his mom called, he said he’s with ‘a friend in Lavington’. See, we’ve been dating five months now. Also, this was the second time he said that on the phone, near me. I’m not wanting to be referred to as wife or nothing, but this is so unsettling for me.

Should I leave this f***boy, or am I just lushing out?


Five months, and you’re still referred to as a friend? No, babe. No one deserves to be a secret that a person is ashamed of. If this guy is willing to go on weekend getaways with you, then surely he can be clear to other people that he is in a relationship with you. So have the conversation. Be clear with each other. Who knows? Maybe he has a reason for his suspicious behaviour.


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And the days are not enough And the nights are not enough And life slips by like a field mouse Not shaking the grass – Ezra Pound

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Hi Nakhane! I’m a junior doctor and recently hooked up with someone from the ward – seriously, Greys Anatomy levels of drama here – and don’t know what to do now. I reiterate, it was purely just sex. Have we fucked up? Have you ever banged someone at work? What was it like after? SOS???


Anonymous, hi.

Of course I have banged someone from work. We got caught on camera and got fired. So my story didn’t end too positively, but yours can. This is not very complicated. You both just need to be very honest in your communication. Don’t be scared to sit down and discuss that it was only sex. If one of you starts getting feelings for the other and the other isn’t so keen, then stop. It will end badly. And you don’t want that situation at work where you are forced to see that person every day.


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Hmm? If there’s a pair of Alexander McQueens lying around, I’m going to try them on. I mean…

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Hey N, how can I be That Bitch?


Hey René

Love. It’s actually very easy to be that bitch. THAAAAT bitch (THAT ONE) knows who she is, and is not daunted by people’s opinion of who she should be. That bitch trusts her gut and listens to her intuition. She tries to be kind, and when she is not, she apologises for it. She brings lewks. She listens. She loves.


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Post @pukkelpop show with these Caucasians . Tomorrow is @lowlands_fest in the Netherlands.

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Dear Nakhane,

I have a friend who I’ve known since school and I think he’s a nice guy overall, but he isn’t exactly woke. Some of his jokes make me and my newer friends feel uncomfortable. Do you have any tips on how I should tell him that certain things he says aren’t cool?

Michael, Manchester

Hello Michael

First things first: Don’t get into an argument with said friend when you’re drunk. That was my mistake. They will take it personally and you will take it personally and it will all end very badly. You obviously love this person; otherwise you wouldn’t have kept him in your life for so long. So when you and he are alone, that’s when you should (with kindness and love, and not condescension) pull him aside and tell him why he is being a problematic fave. Unless he’s being an egregious asshole, it won’t do any good humiliating him in front of other people.


Dear Nakhane,

The leaves have now fallen from the trees. I need some autumn style tips. What have you got?

Chris, Brighton

Hi Chris

I love this season because you can really put a lewk together. I love coats and chunky shoes. But what I love the most is how you can layer. Each layer becomes a different lewk, depending on what you put on and what you take off during the days. Also! Don’t be afraid of colour. Just because it’s grey and brown out there doesn’t mean you should be. Bring the colour to the world.


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Elevator Chronicles: On my way to say things, to learn things, to listen to things. Stuntin’ on you again in this @harryhalim coat.

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