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Welcome to the fourth instalment of Frankie’s Agony Aunt column.

This month, the Discwoman co-founder delivers some sage advice, from how to prepare for the apocalypse to focusing your energy.

If you, dear reader, need guidance on sex, politics, techno or reality TV, Crack Magazine’s Agony Aunt is here to help. Submit your questions to AgonyAunt@crackmagazine.net to get them answered in the next issue.

Dear Frankie,

I recently started learning to play the drums. I’ve only been playing for a few months, and I am aware that mastering an instrument takes years of practice, but I still find myself being incredibly frustrated even with the idea of not being good at something straight away. Or, in worse cases, I’m bad. This is a mentality that spills into my personal and professional life too. How can I be more kind and patient with myself?

Vexed But Trying

I’ve been thinking about this recently and came to the conclusion that I think it demonstrates such strength in character throwing yourself into something that you’re not an expert at. Be proud you’re allowing yourself to be vulnerable and shit at something.


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“I have no idea how to dj” 2011 and nothing’s changed 2019

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Hi Frankie,

All this talk of societal collapse is making me anxious. What’s your plan for the apocalypse?

Aspiring survivalist, London

My plan is to open a flower shop and die.


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prosecco 🍾

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Hey Frankie,

I take an active interest in dancefloor politics and am all here for encouraging inclusivity and progressive values in the scene. But I am so bored of the same after-hours chat about the woke club scene’s topic of the week that seems to go round in circles to no conclusion and nobody’s benefit. Is it bad to duck out of the discourse? Or are there better ways to spend my energy?

LOL tell me about it. But people have different access points in regards to these subjects, so what’s tired for you may be the first point of learning and understanding for another. So as much as I may be bored talking about the same thing constantly, I don’t think it’s that beneficial stating how bored you are of it. How about instead starting your own conversation? Or take the action you think needs to be taken. There’s always a lot of criticism from folks who don’t try to change anything.


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who else practices techno yoga

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My New Years resolution was to read more books but every time I sit down to read I end up on the timeline. Help!

Jacob, east London

I am the worst at finishing books, but I really love the idea of it so understand your pain. Once I put my phone in another room so if I were to get distracted it would be quite an embarrassing effort to do so. Or put a timer on your phone for like an hour, and hopefully by that point you’re into the book and won’t need any distraction. But if the book is shit, then I’m sorry, there’s little hope of you finishing.


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joey beltram groupies #energyflash

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Dear Agony Aunt,

I’m trying to be better at communicating my needs but I also know that I’m known for being finicky around personal hygiene and also critical of other people’s personal choices that don’t necessarily make a difference to my life, so I am also trying to be more open and kind. How can I tell someone very close to me who I see often that I hate their perfume?

I don’t think that you can tell someone that. I think you have to just embrace people for who they are unless they’re racist or misogynistic or homophobic or transphobic or ableist or xenophobic or all of the above. If they smell a certain way you don’t like, I don’t think it’s fair to make that their problem. I mean, you could tell them, but don’t prepare for it to go very well. In my younger years an employer once told me I smelled bad, and it never made me look at them with respect lmao. I just left the job, so expect the same with your friendship. If your friend asks then that’s a different story, be honest. But you can’t control people and expect them to be who you want them to be.


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I went outside !

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