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Our shout on who to see around the clock at Glastonbury 2015

If it just so happened that you stumbled inside the collective headspace of the Crack office, extracted our ideal foray around Glastonbury from it, and then invented a teleportation device to zip you around the festival site at the speed of light, here’s what you’d be getting up to at Worthy Farm this weekend. You weird and terrifying music-consuming robot, you.

Hopefully we’ll get to see roughly a third of this lot and naturally, we’d love to see you about too. Conversely this guide works as a handy way for all those who really just can’t stomach all those annoying Beyoncé and Kanye news pieces we do to avoid us completely. Thank us later.

WEDNESDAY

20:30 – 22:30 – Bladerunner Final Cut – Pilton Palais Cinema

THURSDAY

20:00 – 20:40 – Beans On Toast – Hell Stage
20:00 – 21:30 – Kon – Genosys
21:30 – 23:00 – Cerrone – Genosys
23:00 – 03:00 – Circoloco Presents: Apollonia, Damian Lazarus, Ellen Allien – The Blues

FRIDAY

11:00 – 12:00 – Special Guests – Other Stage
12:00 – 12:40 – Pussy Riot In Conversation – The Park
12:40 – 13:20 – The Cribs – Other Stage
13:20 – 14:00 – Dorian Concept – West Holts
14:00 – 16:00 – Hessle Audio Boat Party – Wow!
16:00 – 17:00 – Mary J Blige – Pyramid Stage
17:30 – 18:30 – Motorhead – Pyramid Stage
19:00 – 20:00 – Run The Jewels – West Holts
20:00 – 21:00 – Sharon Van Etten – The Park
21:30 – 22:30 – Jamie xx – The Park
23:00 – 00:15 – Super Furry Animals – The Park
00:30 – 01:55 – Honey Dijon – NYC Downlow
01:55 – 03:00 – Gerd Janson – The Wow!
03:00 – 04:30 – Andy Butler – NYC Downlow
04:30 – 06:00 – Erol Alkan – Genosys

SATURDAY

11:00 – 11:45 – The Unthanks – Pyramid Stage
12:10 – 13:00 – Courtney Barnett – Pyramid Stage
13:30 – 14:30 – The Waterboys – Pyramid Stage
15:00 – 15:40 – Sleaford Mods – John Peel Stage
16:00 – 16:40 – The Pop Group – John Peel Stage
16:30 – 17:30 – Burt Bacharach – Pyramid Stage
17:30 – 18:00 – Newham Generals & Logan Sama – The Blues
18:00 – 19:15 – Idris Elba – Sonic
19:35 – 20:35 – DFA 1979 – John Peel Stage
20:35 – 21:00 – The Bug Feat. Manga & Miss Red – Arcadia
21:45 – 22:30 – The Mothership Returns: George Clinton, Parliament, Funkadelic, The Family Stone – West Holts
22:30 – 23:45 – Kanye West – Pyramid Stage
23:45 – 00:30 – Leftfield – Sonic
01:00 – 02:55 – Tama Sumo & Lakuti – NYC Downlow
03:00 – 04:30 – Four Tet – Genosys
04:30 – 06:00 – Felix Dickinson – Genosys

SUNDAY

11:00 – 12:00 – Opening Assembly – Left Field
12:00 – 12:40 – Denai Moore – The Park
13:00 – 14:00 – Ibibio Sound Machine – West Holts
14:15 – 15:10 – Patti Smith – Pyramid Stage
15:10 – 16:00 – The Staves – The Park
16:00 – 17:15 – Lionel Richie – Pyramid Stage
17:15 – 18:15 – Future Islands – Other Stage
18:15 – 18:45 – Novelist – Sonic
19:00 – 19:30 – Roy Ayers – West Holts
20:00 – 20:30 – The Fall – The Park
20:30 – 21:30 – FKA Twigs – West Holts
21:30 – 22:15 – Goat – The Park
22:15 – 23:15 – Flying Lotus – West Holts
23:15 – 23:45 – Ryan Adams – The Park
00:00 – 01:25 – Prosumer – NYC Downlow
01:30 – 03:30 – Robert Hood – Genosys
03:30 – 05:00 – Luke Howard – NYC Downlow